I’m Not Even Remotely PC but “Baby It’s Cold Outside” Skeezes Me Out

11 min readDec 18, 2020

Photo by Heavy.com

I don’t even know where to begin describing how much this song bites, but let’s go with the obvious — the leering hornball trying to seduce his prey. Whenever I hear this seasonal salute to date rape all I can picture is a beer-breathed, pot-bellied aging Lothario trying to pick up an extremely uncomfortable girl half his age.

Cue skin crawling.

And this hapless and obviously clueless young lady is in deep doo-doo because she strongly suspects he put something in her drink.

Giggity.

Wait, what?

This dude should be doing time for assault, not trying to roofie the ladies so he can force his Yule Log on them.

Photo by meme.guy.com

And this is supposed to be an adorable little holiday diddy I’m told. A classic, even. I never realized sexual predators could be so cuddly and festive. Because if you ask me, on a scale of Tiny Tim(0) to Trump(10) this male protagonist comes in at a solid 9.5.

And yes, I do have a point, aside from I Hate This Facking Song. Even though this Ode to Creepy Uncles Everywhere makes bile rise in my throat, I also have the power to shut that shit off by simply turning a dial or throwing a shoe at Alexa.

See? Problem solved.

I don’t have to listen to Dean Martin slur his way to second base, and those who inexplicably enjoy blue balls adorned with tinsel are also content.

Photo by me.me

Just because I loathe this song with the fire and fury of a million suns doesn’t mean everyone else has to as well. I mean, it would be nice if everyone hated it because, dammit, they should, but unfortunately — they don’t.

It certainly isn’t worth sending up a battle cry to ban it. Because censorship is lame no matter how hard you think a song sucks.

And damn, that song sucks.

But life goes on. Or it should. Maybe you need to get one if you have nothing better to do than try to censor everything you don’t personally like.

Get a hobby.

Keep in mind that being a PC Thought Police Killjoy is not a hobby.

Anyway, most of us still don’t have decent, affordable healthcare.

Tune in next time to learn why I want to dropkick the gold-digging ho singing “Santa Baby.” This materialistic bimbo and the perv from “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” should Nexflix and Chill. Sounds like a match made in a seniors singles bar

Writing from the Future Person Point of View

Last month, I received a highly anticipated link to a Google Drive folder. Inside was a collection of old hi8 tapes and VHS home movies converted to digital files. Fun, right?

The emotional response to watching the videos, though, has necessitated a kind of mindful restraint. I can only watch so much footage of my now 17-year-old son as a two-year-old giggling and stumbling over three-syllable words.

There is also only so much lovestruck naïveté I can tolerate when the wedding my 26-year-old self is planning in one video will only lead to a marriage I now know ends in divorce. …

I’m Not Even Remotely PC but “Baby It’s Cold Outside” Skeezes Me Out

Writing from the Future Person Point of View

Written by Ityhkgkvbvbfgjgjgj